Saying Goodbye
by duckmadgirl
Summary: The crew of HMAS Hammersley old and new gather to say goodbye to a old friend.
1. Chapter 1

**so this was originally going to be called back to December (based on taylor swifts song of the same name( I know I use a lot of songs as titles :D)) with bomber coming back but couldn't think of a reason to bring bomber back to cairns. I thought of swains dedication and getting the CV. then I thought there were several others that would want to say goodbye to Swain. anyway on with the show and I hope you like this. please let me know what you think :D duckmadgirl xx**

Rebecca Brown stepped out of the plane, blinking as the glare of the bright sun caught her unawares. Pulling her sunglasses over her eyes she forgot how bright the sun was up in the tropics. She hadn't been this far north in over a year. After leaving the navy she had moved back south to be closer to family and try and rebuild her relationship with her mother. She had opened her own dinner and it was rather popular, a mix of traditional foods and Asian fusion.

This trip was tinged with sadness however. She had only come back to pay her respects and say goodbye to her friend and mentor, Swain. He had been killed in a attempted terror attack on cairns, he had been helping the SAS defuse a bomb attached to caesium. A dirty bomb. The SAS captain who she also knew as he served with Hammersley in the Samaru islands was also killed. They had managed get the caesium detached and off the boat but the bomb exploded before they could disarm it or get off the boat. Swain had helped her become who she was and she would miss him. She was also apprehensive about seeing the crew again as she hadn't spoken to them much in the last 12 months.

Rebecca collected her bags and pushed her way in to the main terminal building. It was full of people waiting at the gate, waiting for loved ones to walk through waiting for long lost friends to greet. She had no one meeting her. She made her way to the car hire desk and after collecting her keys she headed didn't take long after leaving the airport to arrive at the hotel she had booked. Her room was bright and airy had views over the river admiralty island and the wide seas beyond. Walking out on to the balcony she could just make out the silhouette of one of the patrol boats heading out on patrol.

Changing out of the clothes she had travelled up in she put on a sleek sundress before heading down to the bar. This week was going to be hard as she would also have to come face to face with her Ex. Leo. Who she hadn't spoken to since sending him the dear john email almost 10 months ago. If she was going to get through then she would need some Dutch courage. Looking at the ring that sat on her left hand. She pulled it off and dropped it in to her case. She didn't want to be that girl tonight. Walking down the steps she spotted a familiar face standing at the bar. Smiling as she took the last few steps she walked up behind him.

"of all the bars in Cairns" she grinned as the man turned round...

Nicole Caetano pulled in to the layby. She was heading to Cairns. She had not been back since transferring to Darwin 3 years ago because of the pain of loosing ET. There were too many memories Picking her phone up off the seat next to her she pressed to answer.

"hello?" she called there was nothing no answer nothing. "hello?" she sighed repeating her self. "hello!" she shouted before throwing her phone back on the seat next to her. She felt a twinge in her shoulder. Shrugging out the knots she realised she had been driving for 10 hours and still had another 3 and a half to go before she reached Cairns. she felt It was stupid of her really but she didn't have the time to stop she wanted to be in cairns at least a day before she was needed so she could gather herself together and re acclimatise to being in the city where she lost her one true love. she did drive almost none stop from Darwin but no navigator brew would help her through the 18 hour drive and she had to stop in Mount Isa. Even leaving as early as humanly possible she would still not reach her final destination until at least 7 o'clock. Stretching out the last of the knots in her neck and back she climbed back in to the car. Indicating she put the car in to gear and pulled back on to the highway she carried on her way to cairns. It was several hours later when she was just able to make out the skyline of the mountains and hills of the national park that surrounded cairns. With the sun setting behind them it made quite a sight and she smiled. It was one of the sights of Queensland she missed most. Darwin was great but the skyline wasnt as spectacular.


	2. Chapter 2

Billy Webb or Spider as he was known to his ship mates lay in his rack on HMAS Ballarat, one of Australia's Anzac Class Frigates they were in homeport at HMAS Sterling. He was trying to compose a email to 2-dads explaining that he would be unable to get over to Cairns because the CO of Ballarat as well as his Divisional officer Lieutenant Commander Chris Robin had refused to sign the relevant passes to allow him off base and across country.

He was gutted. He had started his career on Hammersley and swain had been there from the start. Patching him up after the many scrapes he found himself in. It was hard to believe that he was actually gone. Sterling along with every other base across the country has been put on alert after the news broke about what was happening in cairns. When the news then came in that the attack had been faltered and stopped everyone was relived but saddened when it was revealed that a navy sailor and a SAS captain had been killed the whole base felt the loss, lowering the ensigns on all ships in port to half mast as well as the flags in the base. Being in Cairns Spider felt like he would know or have at least seen those killed, he had after all served for 4 years out of Cairns. Then he heard who it was he was shocked Swain was indestructible and would be on Hammersley or at least last longer than the rest of them.

Closing his eyes he tried to get some kip. He would be the only one of the 'old Hammersley crew' who wouldn't be going he was sure of that. Being the only one unable to say goodbye would kill him inside but there was nothing he could do. Short of going AWOL and getting court Marshalled he would just have to lump it and get on with his duties.

"Able Seaman Webb Report to the ships office at the rush" a female voice came over the pipes

Sighing he slid out of his rack and made his way through the darkened corridors of the ship until he reached the office. Pulling his shirt down he tried to think of what could have got him in trouble now. Taking a deep breath he knocked on the door...

Toby Jones stood at the galley hatch on HMAS Melbourne serving the chocolate chill he had made for dinner. They were on deployment in the middle east and had been for the last 4 months. Like most of the navy he had heard about the tragic events in Cairns and his friend and former crew mate had been killed saving the port and city. It was bad enough when one of their own was killed in the line of duty but to be killed on home soil was far worse. He didn't know the Army guy that had also been killed but the same thing went the defence force was the biggest family in the world and the loss felt was the same weather it be army navy or air force.

He was gutted to be stuck in the middle of nowhere and unable to attend the memorial in Cairns but the CO of Melbourne had been understanding and said they could do a private memorial. He had ordered all crew to be on deck in smarts for a 2 minute silence. It would be at the same time as in Cairns on the local time to them.

On Ballarat Spider walked in to the office. Standing to attention he was in front of his Divisional officer.

"care to explain this able!" Robin shouted holding a piece of paper in spiders face.

"I don't know Sir" spider replied

"well I shall explain it then shall I in words you will understand Able. I don't appreciate a jumped up commander in cairns getting on my back, telling me how important it is you be there and I don't appreciate stupid little Ables running of crying like a little girl to someone who they don't even answer to." He was right in spiders face.

"Sir" spider tried to hold his nerve.

"well it looks like you will be going to Cairns after all because of this commander Flynn. if I don't let you go it will make me look bad. You have 3 days able now get out of my sight before I change my mind" he shouted reluctantly handing him the relevant papers he needed to get off the base.

"yes Sir, Sorry Sir" spider saluted before turning on his heal and walked out returning to his cabin he shoved some clothes and things in a bag before grabbing his wallet and passport and heading to the gangway. Sending a text to 2-dads saying his DO had done a u-turn and he was on his way and would be on the next available flight to Cairns

**so I haven't had toby go back just because I didn't learn enough about him in S1 and there isn't much on the Sea Patrol Wiki site about him eather.** **Melbourne was in the middle east in the early half of 2011. please let me know what you think and please please leave a review and let me know what you think. xx **


	3. Chapter 3

of all the bars in Cairns. Didn't think this would be your sort of dive"

The figure turned "well as I live and breath, Bomber Brown" the man smiled

"buffer" she smiled "drink?" she indicated at his almost empty glass

"sure" he smiled "you here for..."

"yeah" she cut him off. With him saying it , it would only make it more real and she couldn't bear that. After ordering a pint for buffer and a large white wine for her self they found a quiet corner. Sitting down she turned to him." So where did you end up after posting off Hammersley?" she asked sipping her drink

"Waterhen on HMAS Norman ,the mine hunter. But who knows, she is being placed in to reserve so guess I will be moving soon" he took a sip of his pint "what about you were are you serving now.?"

"I actually left. Last year. Moved south not too far from you actually Liverpool opened a Dinner." She half smiled. "you look disappointed in me"

"no never. You just were starting to become a excellent sailor and I always thought you could rise through the ranks even become a officer" he smiled

"what. Shut up" she shoved him playfully "no I wouldn't." She hung her head not making eye contact with him

"I am serious" he lifted her chin so they were making eye contact. "so why did you give it up then" he asked

"I don't know, I wasnt enjoying it anymore I suppose and if that's the case then get out I say. And I have always loved cooking so opening the dinner was a dream."

"so whats this dinner like" he asked smiling

"the best. Traditional grub and Asian fusion. We have rave reviews and sometimes ques around the block."

"so if I come down can I have a meal on the house?" buffer smiled

"I don't know about on the house. Maybe with the ADF discount" she grinned

"well whats that then?" buffer asked grinning

"well just for you 20% and a free drink. Non alcoholic mind. Gotta make a profit some how and I kinda don't have a licence."

"your Ex navy and you don't have a licker licence now that may have to change" he downed the last dregs of his pint." Now shall we go back to the old haunt"

"why not" she smiled linking arms with him tripping slightly as she walked out, a tiny bit tipsy. She was out of practice she used to be able to match the lads drink for drink and then some.

Nikki pulled in to the hotel carpark looking at the little clock on the dash board it was flashing 21:45. She had made good time but driving for 16 hours straight was never a good idea she was knackered. Switching the ignition off she made her way in to the hotel and up to the reception desk.

"good evening Madam and welcome to the harbour view"

"I have a reservation. Nicole Caetano." She smiled weakly

The receptionist began typing things in to the computer. Then sorting out the key card. Handing them over.

"your on the second floor room 202. Will you require a morning paper"

"no thank you" she smiled taking her key waking over to the lift. It seemed to take forever to arrive. When it did she walked In bleary eyed pressing the button for the second floor she missed 2 familiar faces staggering past as the lift doors closed.

**okay sorry its short but now everyone is in cairns or almost I just wanted to tie up things from chapter one like who bomber was talking to. please let me know what you think duckmadgirl xxx **


	4. Chapter 4

Kate sat on her sofa just staring in to the nothingness that surrounded her. It had been 2 weeks since the attack on the marina and the crew of Hammersley had been given compassionate leave for at least a month. Since getting home she hadn't left the house and had ignored all calls. Hiding away was all she wanted to do the images of that day burnt on to the backs of her eyes for all eternity. Why didn't she force them to get off and why did she lie to Jim giving him false hope. She was dreading the morning facing all the crew and brass. Facing his family. She had been to several of these dedications there were many after the events in Iraq in the gulf but as harsh as it was she didn't feel anything these were just men or woman she passed in the corridor on the frigate and never really had a meaningful conversation with. But this was different she had worked with swain in close quarters for almost everyday for the past 4 years she had come to know him and love him as a friend and crew mate.

Lying down she curled up in to a ball wishing she could hide away forever. She was disturbed by a hard knock at the door. Trying to ignore it she hoped like the last few times some one knocked they would just go away after a while and leave her alone. The knock came again. Sighing she plodded over to the door and peeped through the spy hole and saw mike standing on the step. He was the last person she wanted to see. Leaning back against the wall she tried to ignore the door.

"come on Kate I know your in there just open the door... please" he called through the letter box

Kate knew that he wasnt going to leave or leave her alone. Pulling the door open she walked back in to the main living room.

"what do you want mike?" she asked dryly

"what I want is to see if your alright. You haven't been picking up on anyone's calls. We're all worried about you"

"well I am fine so..."

"yeah I can see that" Mike didn't sound convinced. Looking around the sink was full to overflowing with plates cups and bowls. And she didn't look like her usual neat as a pin self. Her hair was out of place looking flat and unwashed and her eyes were all red and puffy not from crying but effort used trying to force and hold back the tears. She never cried it was in her eyes a sign of weakness not something a officer should show.

"mike listen. I. AM. FINE." She said slow "Just leave me alone and I will see you tomorrow" she sighed

"well I thought we could have dinner."

"I already ate" she lied

"well I can tidy up and we can have a catch up over a brew"

"what ever" she plodded in to the kitchen and flicked the switch on the kettle

"I can do that, why don't you go get a shower or bath may make you feel better"

"I am not a child I don't need to b..." she protested

"that wasnt a suggestion Kate" he looed at her with a stern gaze

"Sir" she huffed and flounced up the stairs

As soon as she was upstairs mike began loading the dishwasher. He managed to get most of the crocks in to the machine and did what was left by hand. He wiped down the side and set to work on making something for them both to eat as he could tell that she was lying about already eating.

40 minutes later Kate returned down stairs looking a lot fresher and a little more human. Her hair was scraped back in to a simple bun and she was in shorts and a vest.

"better" he smiled

She muttered something under her breath that he didn't catch. Sitting down at the kitchen unit. "you didn't have to clear up I would have done it"

"I know but I wanted to help" he smiled. Placing a bowl of pasta in front of her.

"what is this" she turned her nose up lifting bits up with her fork

"well you didn't have much in so I had to throw lots together. Pasta with veggies

Sniffing it she decided it was edible. Not as good as some of the Scran bomber or bird had cooked but she was hungry so didn't really care.

Kate looked over at the large clock on the wall. It was just after 10. Turning back to mike she gave a exaggerated yawn. "look its late and we have a early start tomorrow so I think I am going to hit my rack." She smiled hoping he would take the hint and leave

"I thought I would stay and make sure your alright" he smiled back at her

"no!" she cried "no way you lost all right to do that when you chose to stay on Hammersley ..." she shouted with a mix of anger and grief

"I can stay in the spare room or on the sofa"

"what ever your clearly not going to take no for a answer" she snarled eyes cast sideways seeing the suit bag draped over the sofa. Before stomping up stairs.

Mike had just turned the light out and pulled the quilt up to get some kip when he saw the door open a shaft of light form the landing streaming in. Kate shuffled in. Tiptoeing over to the bed she slid in next to mike. Resting her head on his shoulder the supressed tears of the last two weeks finally began to fall in loud sobs. he wrapped his arm around her kissing the top of her head. Holding her close trying to comfort her. She lay awake long after mike had fallen asleep, watching the slow rise and fall of his chest. Listening to the soft snores he made with each breath Rolling over she shut her eyes trying to sleep. it was the first night she had not seen the explosion and the erupting ball of fire that followed when she tried to sleep. Eventually she drifted off in to the best night sleep she had since the attack.

**so I hope you enjoy and huge love to all those that have reviewed already I love hearing what you think. please let me know what you think. I wanted to show Kates vulnerable side in this and I don't know how long it was between the attack and dedication but I am guessing it isn't that long because Dutchy's injury's are still present and look fresh **


	5. Chapter 5

Bomber woke with the sun streaming in through the blinds of her hotel room. Her head was pounding although she didn't remember drinking that much. The previous night was just a blur. She remembered going down to the bar and meeting buffer and getting in to a taxi heading to the social club they all used to hang out in after patrols but in-between and after was just a hazy fog.

Covering her eyes she never wanted to drink again. Bits slowly began coming back as she woke up. Why did she allow buffer to drink her under the table. In the past it was her that would out last most of the lads buffer included but now she just felt like a light weight.

Looking over the bed she saw buffer asleep under the covers. Oh god what had she done.

"buffer" she hissed quietly. There was no responce "buffer" she tried again this time a little louder again there was no responce. "PETE!" she called hitting him with her pillow.

"ummm" came the responce. He rolled over opening his eyes. "oh" he covered his face as soon as he saw bomber looking at him.

"yeah oh" bomber sat up. "how drunk were we last night"

"I have no idea but you are such a light weight." He smiled swinging his legs out of the bed picking up last nights clothes

"yeah well I don't get much time to go out on the gas what with running a business and a kitchen"

"well still no excuse what happened to the life and soul"

"she grew up" bomber replied "you best go back to your room assuming you are staying here. I have to get ready" she ordered him out

"yes Ma'am" he saluted before dodging another pillow aimed at him by bomber.

God she missed swain. He would have laughed at this. The amount of times she had to get painkillers off of him after 2-dads and some of the other lads tried to drink her under the table. And failed. But the killer hangover headaches that followed were not pleasant usually because they were at sea. Smiling remembering the happier times she headed for the shower hoping it would make her feel better.

Nikki awoke feeling much more human than she did the previous night. She had slept for 10 hours straight. She had fallen asleep before her head has even touched the pillow. Staring at her uniform that hung on the wardrobe door. She so wished she didn't have to put it on and go to the port she wished this was all a bad dream. It was a painful reminder of ET's memorial on board Hammersley 2 years ago. It was going to be a long hard day but despite the circumstances being less than perfect she would get to see everyone again, which would be nice.

Standing in front of the mirror Bomber looked at her reflection staring back. As she was no longer in the navy she didn't have to wear her scratchy tight uniform but she still wanted to look smart and respectable, so chose a white pant suit with a navy blue vest underneath. Pinning her Defence Force medal on to the blazer she took one last look. This was a good as it was going to get. She had just finished applying her make-up when there was a knock at the door.

Opening it she saw buffer stood in his uniform looking as smart as ever. He had his cap under his arm.

"ready" he smiled

"yeah I guess" she smiled. She pushed a packet of tissues and her mascara in to her bag and pulled the door shut behind her.

Heading down to the lobby buffer headed to the desk to ask for them to call a cab. He was just beaten by a young female navy officer.

"Nav?" buffer called

The woman turned around. "Pete." A smile grew across her face. She enveloped him in a hug. "guessing your here for Swains dedication."

"yeah." He forced a smile "I cant believe he is actually gone."

"I know what you mean" Nikki hugged him again. "so do you know who else form the old gang will be there"

"yeah. Bomber is here waiting over there." He pointed down to where bomber was waiting. "chefo is on deployment in the middle east on Melbourne. Don't know about spider and everyone else was still on Hammersley"

They both walked down to bomber

"Ma'am" she smiled to Nav

"nikki is fine as you no longer in the navy"

"sorry Ma... nikki force of habit I suppose" bomber smiled. "so how long is this cab going to be?" she asked slightly distracted by a sailor running out of the doors for the stairwell. He looked vaguely familiar "Spider!" she called

The man turned to the sound of someone calling his name. Looking over he saw three people smiling towards him.

"Bomber? Is that you" he called

"yes you idiot." She hit him on the arm

"how come your not in uniform?"

"because I am not in the navy no more Dumbo. Do you not go on facebook"

"I hate to spoil this joyous reunion but cabs here. You need a ride to Hammersley mate" buffer turned to spider.

"that would be smashing buff. Its good to see you" spider smiled shaking buffers hand before getting pulled in to a hug.

Sitting on the back seat Nikki just stared straight ahead. Last time she was in cairns base she had lost ET and had just helped send the matt Robeson down for murder. The taxi came to a stop outside the guard house.

The four of them stood at the gate house staring all in disbelief at what they were doing

"ready" bomber was the first to speak

"is any one really ready." Spider replied

"come on. Do this for Swaino. We all owe him that" buffer called looking at them all.

Smiling in agreement they walked through the gate and navigated their way to Hammersley. Taking their seats next to the civilians they waited for the ceremony to begin

**hope you enjoy. I have split everyone up in the chapters because I thought it may be too confusing switching between 4 different people so the next chapter will be about Kate and mike, and the crew. it will be concurrent with this one. let me know what you think.**


	6. Chapter 6

Mike woke the following morning rubbing his eyes. This was going to be a long tough day, with emotions running high. No one wanted to say goodbye to swain but the sad truth was they had to. But it was little Chloe he felt sorry for she would grow up with out her farther. But he knew that sally and the rest of the Hammersley family would remind her how brave and amazing her daddy was.

Looking over Kate was still asleep next to him. She looked so peaceful it was easy to see that this was the best night sleep she had since the events of 2 weeks ago. Brushing a stray hair off her face he kissed her softly on the head. She stirred slightly but didn't wake. he carefully pulled his arm from under her so as not to wake her. Sliding out of the bed he made his way to the en-suite.

Kate awoke with the sound of running water. It took her a while to realise that she was in the spare room. Stretching out she hadn't felt this good in weeks. Pushing her self up on the pillows she lent back glad of the nights sleep she had. The door of the en-suite had been left ajar. From the bathroom she could make out mike stepping out of shower. Sliding out of the bed she dashed back in to her own room. Shutting the door she slid to the floor. This was wrong why was her heart doing this to her.

Taking a deep breath she walked over to the dressing table. Scraping her hair back in to a bun she swore she saw Jim standing behind her. Turning there was no one. Looking back she was sure he was smiling at her before the reflection faded. Swallowing the cries that were trying to bubble out. She had to be strong today for the crew.

Standing in the living room she stared out at the river.

"are you okay?" mike asked as he came down the stairs. Putting his hat on the corner of the sofa

"I feel so guilty" she whispered

"but your decision to let them go ahead was right. It is not your fault they disobeyed orders to leave" mike tried to reassure her.

"no, no" she turned walking towards him. "that's not what I mean" she hung her head

"then what is it" he asked

"after I met you for coffee, I went and tried on a wedding dress" she said choking back the tears "and that's when I knew I would never marry Jim" she whispered

"did you tell him"

She shook her head "there Is only one person I could ever imagen marrying..." she looked up at him

"yeah" he looked around "me too" he looked right at her. He stepped towards her closing the gap. Holding out his arm she stepped in to the void between them. She finally allowed the tears to fall again. She felt so bad she should have told Jim her true answer instead she allowed him to die thinking she would marry him.

" its time we best get going" he whispered in to her hair. Pulling away slightly she looked up at him. He grinned slightly "although you may want to sort out those panda eyes" he smiled

She half laughed sniffing glad she hadn't got mascara stains on Mikes uniform.

Arriving at Hammersley Kate made a inspection of the crew before the ceremony actually began. walking along the line she came to Dutchy who still had his arm up in a sling. he really still should have been in the hospital but he discharged him self dertemind to be there to remember his friend and crew mate.

"hows the arm Dutchy" she asked

"not bad ma'am" he lied still clearly in pain

"he wouldn't think bad of you, you know"

"I want to be here Ma'am"

"okay" she smiled continuing down the line

Checking each of the juniors making sure their uniforms were neat and in the right order. When she came to Bird, the young woman reached out enveloping her in a hug before quickly letting go. Kate smiled. Today wasnt the time to go off on formalities and Kate was grateful for the comfort and compassion Bird showed. She had the promises of making a fine sailor if she chose to stay. Kate reached out to straighten Birds neckerchief.

"thank you X" she smiled.

Squeezing Birds shoulder she smiled taking her place in the file she looked skywards before closing her eyes praying she could get through the day. She needed to do this for swain and the crew.

**so hope you enjoy. next chapter will be the actual ceremony and no more split chapters everyone will be in this one. let me know what you think xxx **


	7. Chapter 7

The crew of HMAS Hammersley filed on to the quay. Standing at ease they watched on as the brass from NAVCOM filed in behind them. Standing to attention they watched as the admiral took is place at the podium.

"today we commend the crew of HMAS Hammersley for their selfless act of bravery in the face of danger. Sometimes with bravery comes loss. we are here today to honour 2 brave men Petty officer Coxswain Chris Blake and Special Air Service Captain Jim Roth for their act of self sacrifice and valour. To serve ones country is a honour we all know and respect. We all serve with pride and conviction, and we all feel the loss when we loose one of our own. Please join me in a 2 minuets silence to honour these 2 men for their self sacrifice

There was a bugler stood on the flag deck of Hammersley. Playing the last post as a mark of respect used across the commonwealth and allied countries the flag was lowered. After the 2 minuets were up the admiral took his place at the podium once again.

"we posthumously award the Cross Of Valour to Petty Officer Coxswain Chris Blake and Special Air Service Captain Jim Roth..."

Mike looked straight a head. As did the rest of the crew. They were all trying to keep it together. Kate stood blinking back the tears biting the inside of the bottom of her lip trying to stop herself from crying.

"their pre-eminent act of valour involved the ultimate self-sacrifice and displayed a extreme devotion to duty. For this we honour them"

The admiral walked over to where the families were sat. First handing the medal to Jim's family then moving down to Chloe handing Swains medal to her. She was sat next to sally not quite understanding the situation and what was happening.

Mike turned looking over. It broke his heart. Chloe was Swains world. She looked so small and innocent. At 5 she should not be watching all of this. Trying to compose him self he turned and saluted the admiral before walking to the podium. Looking over back at the little girl she looked up at her mother for comfort smiling slightly. Sally was doing her best to keep it together for her daughter but was struggling. Walking past Kate he didn't dare look at her otherwise he didn't know what would happen. Standing at the podium he nodded at Jim's family then turned to look at sally and Chloe. It broke his heart seeing them like this. Swain was devoted to them both and always talked about them when at sea. The whole crew had watched Chloe grow before them and they call all see she was a daddy's girl.

"I know I speak for everyone when I express my gratitude and appreciation for the sacrifice Swain and Jim made. Jim Roth was a consummate professional and a man of great integrity..."

Kate closed her eyes hearing mike talk about Jim like this only made her feel worse like she was cheating on him. She tried to hold back the tears but biting her lip wasnt working.

"swain. Swain was a fine sailor, a inspired medic and a person of great humanity and compassion..."

Kate could hear in his voice that he was trying to hold it together. She wanted nothing more to break rank and go an hold his hand, to comfort him but her legs wouldn't move the inbuilt drill of navy training stopped her. She allowed a silent tear to trickle down her cheeks

"we'll miss you mate" mike looked to the skies

The parade was called to attention before being dismissed. Taking the step out they all felt deflated some how today was all that had kept them all going because there was still a chance it was a nightmare to wake up to and the whole of the last few months had been a dream. But now it was over it all seemed real and they all knew that everything had changed forever

**sorry this is short. I really feel that I should have done it more justice but the scene is so short and the camera never stays on anyone long enough to read in to what they are feeling (apart from kate and mike) I think I will go in to depth more next chapter when I will be on my own imagination again let me know what you think. xx **


	8. Chapter 8

Walking over to the rest of the crew. Kate rubbed her eyes as they stung because of holding the tears back all morning. Everyone was just milling around not quite knowing what to do with them selves but also not wanting to be the first to leave. She wandered round in a daze not really wanting to talk to anyone.

"Kate McGregor?" a voice came from behind her.

Most of the crew were talking among them selves trying to make light of the day trying to look on the bright side if there was one.

"so birdy what have you decided to do then?" Dutchy asked standing next to her.

"well I have decided to stay. Going to HMAS Penguin to complete my training as a medic then hopefully back on Hammersley. What about you heard you were posting off." She smiled

"well when my arm heals I am off to Afghan" he smiled he liked the action and he had seen too much on the patrol boats that shouldn't have really happened

Birds face fell. The situation out there was volatile and dangerous even though there were talks of drawdown so far not one country in the allied forces had given a exact date. She had already lost one friend and mentor she didn't want to loose another.

Dutchy could sense her worry. "don't worry chicken legs I will be fine. I am made of strong stuff" he wrapped his good arm around her shoulders pulling her in to a hug. Wincing slightly as she knocked in to his shoulder

She hoped he was right he had helped her so much since she first joined Hammersley and she didn't want to loose him.

Kate stood talking with Jim's Parents. She had never met them but Jim must have told them all about her. She had tried to give the ring back but his mother wouldn't take it despite it being a family heirloom. His mother told her that Jim wanted her to have it and she should keep it. Looking over Kate saw Mike talking with other members of the brass with Maxine stood right next to him.

Closing her eyes she couldn't breath. She couldn't bare the kindness of Jim's family knowing that she gave him false hope and was never going to marry him and he died with that sense of false hope or seeing mike like this. Making her excused she made a run for it dashing over the gangway of Hammersley not bothering to salute the ensign she just wanted to get away from it all. Opening the door to her cabin hid inside shutting the door shutting everyone out. She curled up on her rack and sobbed

Mike having seen what happened made his excuses and weaved through the crowds. Walking over the gangway he made his way through the ship looking for where she may be hiding. Eventually he though of the cabins. Stopping outside hers he hovered unsure whether to knock he listened for a moment before biting the bullet he knocked. Opening the door.

"Kate?"

She sat up cheeks tearstained. "I cant do this." She sobbed "Jim's parents were so nice and I was going to smash their sons heart in two again"

"again?" mike asked

"yeah. After you hurt your leg in Samaru. I was umm talking to you in the ward room I mean you were unconscious and I thought he was still out of it but he heard me begging you not to die. He put 2 and 2 together and made 4. He knew I loved you..."

"oh Kate" he sat next to her pulling her close.

They sat there for a while In silence only the muffled sound of the waves lapping against the side of the ship Before mike broke the silence first. "We best go back out" he smiled standing up. Heading for the door.

"I will be out in a sec" she half smiled as mike walked out. Looking in the mirror, her uniform was all creased and she looked a mess but she didn't care. Heading in to the bathroom she splashed some cold water on her face.

As she walked back over the gangway she saw that the crew were talking with Bomber, Buffer Nav and Spider. Smiling as she walked over.

"nikki" she smiled as her friend pulled her in to a hug

"Kate how are you." Nav asked

"fine. Getting there. Hows it up in Darwin." Kate asked

"to be honest. Dull."

Buffer laughed. Looking around they soon realised that most of the people in attendance had slowly moved on heading in there separate directions. Mike was talking to sally and Chloe before they headed to Perth to stay with sallys parents. Kate looked over catching his eye she smiled before re-joining the conversation with the others.

"shall we all go and raise a glass for Swaino." Buffer called as mike walked over.

"yeah but I will meet you all there I want to get out of my uniform" Nav smiled

Everyone else nodded in agreement. "okay" buffer looked at his watch "shall we say 19:00 in the social club"

Everyone headed off in there separate directions to head home before meeting up that evening. Heading towards the carpark as mike caught up.

"need a lift X considering I did drive us both in"

Kate smiled sliding in to the passenger seat . "thank you" she smiled

" what for" mike looked at her as he pulled out on to the main road.

"what you said about Jim. It meant a lot"

"it was all true" he reached over taking her hand giving it a gentle squeeze

Pulling up outside Kates house he smiled as she got out. "do you want a lift later?" he asked

" no I was going to get a cab" she smiled making a dash for the front door as it began to rain.

Mike watched until her front door closed. He headed back to his house he felt like from what she said he was being given another chance. Not many people got a second chance and he was now on his third. Hopefully it would be third time lucky

**hope you enjoy. and let me know what you think xxx**


	9. Chapter 9

Walking in to the back bar Bomber was nervous. So far she had managed to avoid 2-dads especially at the dedication but now there was no escape. Walking through bird bounded up to her

"Bomber" she smiled dashing up to her former cabin mate. "sorry Becca" she corrected her self

"alright Bird" bomber hugged her "is okay I answer to anything really" walking over to where charge was they were the first three there. "where is everyone I thought this was buffers idea" she grinned

"Bomber you know what buffer is like" charge smiled "any way whats your poison" he asked

"umm" flashbacks of last night flooded back and she never wanted to drink again. "i'll just have a OJ please"

She sat next to Jess she saw 2-dads talking to a blond backpacker in the corner. Guess they weren't the only three. "Sod it" she called "Charge make mine a vodka orange. Double." She called after Charge. He saluted indicating he heard her. Why was he like this did he have to make her feel more guilty than she already did.

Kate was hanging round outside on the deck. She didn't really feel like a night on the town not that this was but she just wanted to curl up in bed and sleep. She felt drained from the sheer mental force of not crying. Debating on weather to go. She heard a voice call her from behind.

"X!" Buffer called "you didn't have to wait out front for me" he smiled

"buffer" she smiled hugging her friend "sorry we didn't get a chance to speak earlier but..."

"its okay it was a tough day, for us all" he smiled

"what oh yeah"she smiled "so how is Sydney and the mine hunters" she asked

"how did you know about that"

"well asides from being a brilliant XO I am also physic" she joked. "and I did write and sign the recommendation so it was a no brainer that you got on" she grinned

"well thank you Ma'am and to answer your questions its as dull as well anything I miss the old girl." He smiled "you coming in" he nodded towards the door"

Looking round the carpark she turned back "yeah" she smiled slightly before following him in.

Most of the crew were already at the bar with just Nikki and Mike missing. Nikki arrived not long after Kate sat down. Smiling at Kate

"you okay" she mouthed

Kate nodded turning back to her conversation with Buffer. Mike was the last to arrive looking around trying to find a space to sit .

"Sir" buffer offered him his "Pint?"

"thanks Buffer and no need to be so formal tonight and I am not your CO anymore so mike's fine"

Buffer arrived back at the table with a pint for mike and a tray of shots for everyone

"right we have had the formalities for swain now lets remember his life how he would want and the only way the navy can. To Swaino"

"Swain" everyone held their shots aloft before downing them griming as the alcohol burnt the backs of their throats.

"I going to miss him so much" bird let out a sniff. For the first time in 2 weeks she showed real emotion. She hadn't known him as long as the others but she saw him as a friend and mentor.

Bomber reached over squeezing the young girls hands. At 19 she had seen so much in the navy and hardly any of It was good. She was surprised that Bird actually wanted to enlist fulltime "we will all miss him. I have so much to thank him for. I don't think I would be the person I am today with out his help and guidance giving me the confidence in my medical skills"

"and what about me" buffer called mock hurt

"well you helped me with my anger management lets call it"

2-dads walked over finally prising the blond off "aww did I miss the toasts" he sighed seeing the single shot glass left on the tray

"well if you will go after anything in a dress" bomber mumbled he hadn't changed one bit. He still thought he was gods gift

"something to say Rebecca" he called

"yeah actually I thought that you would want to be with your crew remembering swain not chasing the first blond bimbo that says high then drapes her self over you when she finds out your a sailor."

"really and what about you. Your eyes go on storks when ever a guy walks past" he snapped

"oh grow up 2 dads and get over the fact I ended it." Bomber spat back. "we are suppose to be remembering Swain."

"anyone else got memories of swain they want to share" Duchy stepped in trying to defuse the situation"

"he helped me after ET died. reminding me that ET was a great guy and wasnt what people were saying" Nav smiled fiddling with the ring she kept on a chain. the ring ET had proposed to her with

"why its not like he can hear us and its a bit pointless dragging up the past" Ro said in his usual droll

" Robert shut up its nice to remember. Remember when he tried to get 2-dads to do CPR on charge. He only volunteered because he thought he would be kissing bird" bomber grinned

" that was funny for you but I didn't really want 2-dads kissing me" charge stood up

"remember that time he tried to convince 2 dads he had been abducted by aliens when he had all them mozzie bites" bird grinned looking over at 2-dads

"I remember him getting bomber torcher me after that gash I got from that coral and the flamingo bay" Spider grinned "all those different potions and creams he had her put on claiming it was good for her training not because he didn't want to touch my leg" spider laughed at the memory popping up in his head

"you were just a big baby spider" bomber called laughing at the memory

"yeah well it bloody hurt and it didn't work, still got coral poisoning didn't I"

"the amount of times Swain had you in the ward room I am surprised you didn't have a loyalty card" Charge grinned

Listening to these memories Kate couldn't bear it squeezing out she made a dash for the door. She sat on the deck looking out to the pacific the sun setting behind the horizon.

"Kate?" Mike called behind her

Turning "sorry I just need a moment." She smiled shivering slightly with the wind chill blowing across the water

Mike walked over wrapping his jacket over her shoulders.

"thanks" she smiled up at him. "you know its thanks to swain I still have my job"

"what do you mean" mike asked puzzled as far as he could remember Kate had never been in any trouble or needed anyone to help her in her career.

"remember that guy who held you hostage, the one who's baby you rescued..."

"I think so, go on" he was unsure

"well we heard that you were in the sub and we all saw it get blown sky high, well I though I had lost you and I almost blew that guys brains out on the yacht. I wanted to kill him so badly. For taking you away from me It was swain that talked me down..."

"Kate" mike wrapped his arm around her he never knew this. "come on lets go back. Charge is making his infamous guava mojitos"

Kate half laughed through the tears. "give me a minuet"

She returned several moments later seeing a argument erupting with the crew

"your engaged!" 2-dads called "you only dumped me like 5 minuets ago" he walked off

Buffer just looked at her before walking off. "nice one Rebecca" he called

"its not like that" she looked after buffer and 2-dads she really needed to explain but to who. Following buffer "Pete!" she called "BUFFER!" she called running to catch up with him. "please! Let me explain"

"why didn't you tell me before we slept together"

"okay last night I was beyond drunk I did try and tell you but I don't know, I couldn't. He doesn't know the real me and I don't know what I am doing" she buried her head in her hands.

"why didn't you say something" he looked at her

"because last night I got to be me again. Being back up here I realised how much I loved everyone on Hammersley. Lied the dinner is not doing as well as u said. I just wanted to forget everything...!"

Buffer stepped towards her. "you still should have said" he looked at her. "i've got to go. I have a early flight I am required back on ship tomorrow. I guess I will see you around" he looked at her before turning and walking away.

Everyone was shocked at the news bomber had dropped.

"well that was fun" Robert called in his monotone voice

"Robert" charge and dutchy called together

Everyone soon went there separate ways. This time it was more happy occasion with each of them with the fond memory of swain in there minds. He was gone but he would never be forgotten

**so I think I have one more chapter left in this but I hope you enjoy. let me know what your fav swain moment was. personally I loved the CPR moment in universal donner made me laugh so much. love as always duckmadgirl xx **


	10. Chapter 10

3 months later

Kate woke with the last of the summer sun streaming through the gaps in the curtains. Stretching out she looked over and was glad that Mike was still next to her. Smiling she nestled in to his arm. Wishing she didn't have to get up and that she could stay there forever. Hammersley was sailing on a full patrol for the first time since the attack. They had been out to assist in searches but were always back in port before dark. It would be tough for them all especially as there was new crew joining,

Mike stirred hearing his phone buzz. Reaching out he picked it up off the side

"Mike Flynn" he said sleepily "yes sir I can be there in a couple of hours"

"what was that about?" Kate asked yawning sitting up

"don't know. They just want me in NAVCOM before Hammersley sails." He eased out of the bed "I need to get home change in to my whites." He picked up his discarded clothes from last night. "I guess I will see you onboard later" he lent down kissing her on the forehead

"yeah I guess" she sighed head hitting back against the pillow as mike walked out of the door.

When Kate arrived at Hammersley there was only Bird, RO and 2-dads onboard walking on to the bridge she was checking everything was in order. Their supply's had been delivered and stowed the previous day so that was one less thing to worry about. Checking her phone as it was unlike mike to be late even if he had been called in to NAVCOM she saw a text asking her to meet him at NAVCOM. Smiling she quickly changed in to her whites and made the short walk across the port to the NAVCOM offices.

Finding mike in a new office she saw the new title and name on the door.

"Captain Flynn" she said coyly. "when did this happen" she smiled

"well there has been talk for a while but I got it today"

"so what about Hammersley? Who will be CO? And where is knocker?"

Mike smiled eyes glinting "well that's why I asked you here" he handed her a box. "and knocker had been transferred to Tasmania"

Opening the box she saw 2 epaulets with three stripes. Two thick with a thin stripe in-between ."Sir?" she asked puzzled

"congratulations Kate. Lieutenant commander McGregor. HMAS Hammersley is yours. And I know you are missing some crew. But I have arraigned for you XO, Buffer and Engineer to meet you on Hammersley before you sail"

"Buffer and Charge?" she was puzzled she knew that a new XO would be required but not a buffer or charge

"well Dutchy is on his way to Afghan and Charge handed in his notice and moved west to work on the mines"

"Sir" she smiled standing to leave

"anyway Kate what do you think of this office?" he asked perching on the edge of the desk facing her.

Looking around it was a lot bigger than the last. His model galleon looked much better on the desk behind him. "well at least it has curtains" she grinned a glint in her eyes.

Mike smiled reading where her mind was going "you best get going. Notice for sea 1 hour" he looked at her. It took all his strength to control himself

"Sir" she saluted "see you in three weeks" she called over her shoulder" smiling

By the time Kate arrived back at Hammersley she was greeted by Nikki and Pete. Smiling she sprinted the final few yards.

"nik I thought you were still in Darwin?" she smiled hugging her friend

"I was but Mike called said he was being promoted and you were getting Hammersley and would I transfer and be the XO on Hammersley. I jumped its so dull in Darwin"

"and you Pete, suppose we best start calling you buffer again. Didn't make up with bomber then"

"no. last i heard she was walking down the isle and married the guy. And I am glad to be back Ma'am it will be a pleasure to serve along side you again" he went to shake her hand but was enveloped in to a hug.

Standing on the bridge Kate saw mike on the quay side. She had had command of Hammersley before but now it was her ship for real not just as a temporary command. She couldn't wait for the next three weeks to be over and she could get back.

**hope you enjoyed. and please let me know what you think. **


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